


I Will be Waiting

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Friendship/Love, Memories, Post-Tartaros Arc (Fairy Tail), Promises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 09:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17598794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Sometimes to find someone, you first have to let them go.In the aftermath of Tartarus, there was a distance between them that terrified Mirajane, and when Erza disappears she fears the worst.





	I Will be Waiting

     It was raining heavily, as it had been ever since their fight with Tartarus had ended, as though the whole world was mourning with them. Mira was almost glad for that because there was a burning in her eyes that refused to give way to tears, no matter how hard the last few days had been, made worse by the fact that it felt as though a veil had fallen between her and Erza. It had been there when she had found her girlfriend as they stood in front of the Dragons, a distance that was present even when she had wrapped her arms around the red-head and pulled her into a tight hug. Erza had been right there in her arms, tentatively returning the hug with trembling hands and letting her head come to rest of Mira’s shoulder, but at the same time, it had felt as though she had been a million miles away.

    That was a feeling that had only intensified over the last few days, as Erza had done everything in her power to avoid her, without blatantly walking away in the middle of a conversation. Although the few conversations they’d managed to have, had been strained and short-lived, and that morning when she had woken up to find herself in an otherwise empty bed she had been terrified that Erza had just left. It was that fear that had driven her out into the rain as she searched across the town for some sign of her girlfriend. She didn’t want to believe that Erza would just disappear like that, but after everything that had happened, and the darkness that had taken root in her girlfriend’s eyes, she wasn’t so sure.

    She was shivering now, soaked through and she could almost imagine the scolding her siblings would heap on her head when she saw them. However, she barely felt the cold as she had finally caught a glimpse of familiar red hair, visible even through the curtains of rain, and she skidded to a halt, doubling over as she fought to catch her breath. However, even as she rubbed at her chest, her gaze was locked on her girlfriend, the burning in eyes intensifying as she realised how small Erza looked at the moment, huddled in on herself on the river bank, head bowed and gaze fixated on some distant point. Even if she hadn’t been sat like that, there was a tension in Erza’s shoulders that Mira had long since learned was a sign that she was upset. Which was why she took a moment longer to catch her breath and gather her thoughts, not wanting to make the situation worse, although the fact that she had woken alone meant that they needed to talk about it.

    Once she felt sure that she wasn’t going to burst into tears or speak too sharply, she moved, taking a deep breath as she carefully slid down the bank towards Erza. She grimaced at the mud beneath her, feeling it soaking into her already sodden clothes, before dismissing it from her thoughts. She was already soaked through, a little more and some mud wasn’t going to make any difference now.

“Erza?” She called as she approached, not wanting to startle the other woman, but it was too late as Erza jolted upright, hands clenched as though she was a second away from summoning her swords. “It’s just me,” she added in a hurry, as Erza twisted to face her. The startled reaction had been bad enough, but it was the fear that flickered through her girlfriend’s eyes before Erza could conceal her feelings that broke her heart. _What happened to you?_ Mira wanted to ask, but she knew those weren’t the right words at that moment, and instead she closed the last of the distance between them, flinging herself at the red-head and wrapping her up in a tight hug. “I don’t want to lose you.” The words slipped out, but she wouldn’t or rather couldn’t take them back, because even now it felt as though Erza was slipping through her fingers. She knew that something had happened during the battle with Tartarus, something bad, and it terrified her, and finally the burning in her eyes became tears, as a sob rose in the back of her throat. “Erza…”

    It took a moment, and she was trying to gather the courage and strength to pull back when she felt Erza shifting in her embrace before armoured arms rose to tentatively return the hug. It was only at that point that she realised her girlfriend had been sat out here in full armour, shielding herself from the world in the place where she was supposed to be safe. In the place where she had started to wear her armour less and less, as she opened up, and learnt to trust others with her heart. _What happened?_ The question arose again, but she didn’t say it, instead gingerly tightening her grip on the hard figure in her arms. “I’m here.” She wasn’t sure if that was enough, but it was the truth, and it would always be the truth.

    The change was gradual, warmth seeping into her soaked body as Erza’s magic slowly passed over them, the hard lines of her armour giving way to the familiar, deceptive softness of her girlfriend’s body, and now there was no need for caution or restraint as Mira pulled her close with a choked sob. “I’m here.” Her fingers were buried in crimson hair now, her face smothered in Erza’s shoulder, lost in the scent of iron and strawberry, her entire body shaking. _I’m here, and you’re here, and I know it’s not enough._ However, Erza wasn’t pliant in her arms now, her returned embrace tightening to the part where it should have been painful, but after the last few days, Mira welcomed the intensity. The almost bruising grip that meant for now at least they were together, even if they were clinging to one another like people lost at sea with only one hope of salvation.

_But, for now, we can pretend that it is._

*

    At some point, they had gravitated to sitting on the river bank, pressed so closely together that it would have been impossible to slip a piece of paper between them, still clinging to one another although some of the desperation had eased. Mira’s tears had dried, although her eyes still burned, and she had been startled to realise that she hadn’t been alone in her tears, as Erza’s eyes had been red-rimmed too when they had finally pulled back enough to look at one another, all other evidence of tears washed away by the rain. It was a surprise when Erza was the first to break the silence, especially after the last few days, her hand blindly seeking out Mira’s to twine their fingers together. “Mira, I…” She sounded hesitant and lost in a way that Mira had never heard her sound before, even though she had been adrift for days, and suddenly she realised that as much as she wanted to ask what had happened, she didn’t need to hear the words just yet.

“You don’t have to tell me just yet,” Mira was quick to reassure her as she felt the tension now radiating from her girlfriend.  “Sometimes the words won’t come.” She had forgotten how that had felt like over the years, but facing Seilah, and remembering how she had come to Fairy Tail, and how she had been when she’d first arrived had reminded her. She hadn’t had the words then to explain how she was feeling, to put the fears and doubts haunting her into words, even when people – Erza included had done their best to reach out to her. “But I will still be here if and when you are ready to tell me. And if you’re never ready, that’s okay too.” She hoped that one day Erza would be ready, just because she knew how much she had needed to talk to someone back then, but she wouldn’t push.

“Mira…”

“This war…” Mira faltered for a moment, realising that was exactly what it had been even though it hadn’t registered at the time, and her grip tightened on Erza. _I could have lost her. We could have lost this._ She knew that her fingers must be leaving bruises at this point, but Erza didn’t complain, even seeming to lean into the increased contact. “This war took a lot from us. It’s still taking a lot from us, and maybe that won’t change for a while.” Which was a terrifying thought, because it felt as though so much had slipped through their fingers. It was there in the haunted gazes, the quiet voices, the echo of Natsu’s grieving cries, and the thought that there could be more to come was almost enough to break her. “However, there are some things I won’t let it take from me. From us. And you are one of those things.” She would fight another war before she allowed that to happen because, despite the ache in her heat, the loneliness that had crept in over the last few days that she was only realising now that Erza was in front of her, what they had built between them was worth that pain and more.

“Mira,” Erza wasn’t looking at her, but down at their tangled fingers, and Mira could see the tension returning, spreading through the redhead's shoulders.

 “I know you’re going away for a while,” she whispered, and Erza jolted violently, almost yanking her hand free with the force of her reaction as she turned to stare at Mira with wide-eyes, and there was a wry smile playing over her lips as she asked gently.  “What? Did you think I wouldn’t know?” She wasn’t sure when she had first realised, or where the strange calmness that was engulfing her now was coming from, but she felt it crystallising into certainty as Erza glanced off to the side.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t,” Mira cut her off, expression twisted with sudden desperation. “If you apologise, it just sounds like a farewell.” _I know that’s what this is, at least for a little while...but an apology will make it seem like it might be forever, and I’m not strong enough for that._

“Mira…”

“I’m not going to stop you.” Mira had a feeling that she might have the words that would stop Erza leaving if she really searched for them, that if she reached out, her girlfriend would stay. However, she also knew even before she saw the sudden fear in Erza’s eyes, that it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. The guild was splintering, and for now, at least they needed to take separate paths, just as she knew that she could follow Erza and that she would be welcomed, but that it wasn’t the right time. It wasn’t the right path for her, knowledge helped by the haunted look in Elfman’s eyes whenever they mentioned the guild building, and the way Lisanna had been clinging closer than usual after the fight in the lab. She was needed there for the time being, although that didn’t keep the waver from her voice as she admitted softly. “And I can’t come with you, not yet.”

“Then, what…?” Erza whispered, a note of something that was a little to close to despair for Mira’s liking in her voice, and she was moving, pulling Erza back into a hug. It wasn’t as desperate this time, although she held on just as tightly, as she pressed a kiss to Erza’s cheek.

“I told you that I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered, the waver returning for a moment before she took a deep breath and leaning back so that she could meet Erza’s gaze, as she added firmly. “I will be waiting for when you’re ready.”

_No matter how long it takes…_


End file.
